Aphrodite's second diary
by Rafi77
Summary: This is a story that I just wrote yesterday, so feel free to proofread it and point out any mistakes that you find. This is about Aphrodite and how she feels about the Trojan War. It's slightly different to what I usually write about


Today I'm feeling very depressed. And it's not just because of the Trojan War. It's mostly because everyone is blaming me for the Trojan War. I mean, what exactly did I do? Everyone blames me for everything nowadays, even the slightest little things that happen around the house. Everyone's been acting very moody these days. I think the war is starting to get to them. OK, so maybe it was partly my fault that the Trojan War started, but I mean, just because I introduced Paris to Helen, how was I supposed to know that they'd run off together and start such a huge war? And besides, I am the goddess of love, so what else could I offer such a handsome young man like Paris?

Troy is not doing so well right now. The duel between Paris and Menelaos did not go very well. Let's face it, Paris is not really the fighting type, I thought to myself. But that's not the only thing that's concerning me right now. What is really on my mind and what's bothering me the most is how this war has turned all of us against each other as well. It's not just the Greeks and the Trojans that are fighting, you know. Us gods are not being very nice to each other right now either. Well, not that we're ever particularly nice to each other, but nowadays we're even more violent than usual. Even though we're supposed to be helping the war, I admit that we're not doing a very good job of it. In fact, we just seem to be making it worse. Besides, if we all take different sides in this war, how are we supposed to make only one side win? They'd just carry on bashing each other's brains in forever. The war is in sort of a tie situation right now. No one is winning, and it keeps changing as well, just because we're all supporting different sides.

I wouldn't particularly mind that we were supporting different sides if we weren't competing against each other as well. Everyone's been very gloomy these days, and I can't stand that. Whatever happened to the "good old days?" There's nothing good to look forward to now. Every morning when I wake up, I know that there's another day of the war to take care of, and believe it or not, I'm doing my best to fix it right now. My dad wants me to stay out of the war and he says that I should leave all this war business to Ares and Athena, but how can I? I have a Trojan son to protect anyway. This is my business too, especially since I supposedly started it.

I also think that this war started in such a ridiculous way, who would have known that it was really because of three of us fighting over a piece of fruit (anyway I'm the goddess of beauty so there's no question about it. The apple was meant for me all along!). But anyway, now that it's done, it's done, and there's no changing it back now.

I really am trying to take my mind off the war right now. What did I used to think about before I kept thinking about war? I can't even remember. But it's late right now, and I'm trying to sleep. But thoughts of the war keep going round and round in my head, buzzing like bees. What will happen tomorrow? Who's going to win anyway? What will become of my son? I suddenly remembered when my dad had made me fall in love with Anchises. Doesn't he have anything better to do than make mine and other people's lives miserable? But OK, I suppose that was partly my fault. I mean I was always making him fall in love with mortal women. I laughed suddenly then. Don't _I _have anything else to do? I sometimes think that my life isn't all it's cracked up to be. And I don't spend all of my time doing my hair and making other people fall in love. I like to help people as well. It's just that no one's realised it so far, but I hope that they will someday, that I'm much more mature than people think I am. I mean, don't they realise how many people pray to me when they have love problems? So who do I pray to when I have problems? I can't pray to myself, even though I've tried a few times. It's kind of ironic actually, I can help other people with their problems, but I can't help myself very easily. Right now I can't help myself now that I'm feeling so depressed about this war.

I tossed and turned in my bed trying to get to sleep, but then I decided to go downstairs and get a drink of nectar or something, even though it was about three in the morning right now and I was very tired. It would help keep my mind off the war. At least for the moment. So I trailed downstairs to the kitchen and got a cup of nectar out of the cupboard and sat down on a chair, trying to calm down and to take my mind off all these things.

Just as I was sitting there minding my own business and just when I was beginning to relax, I heard the door open and I nearly jumped off my chair. Then I saw Dionysos stumble into the room, walking almost sideways. I sighed and rolled my eyes at him. "You're just in time, I was almost relaxed," I told him. Dionysos didn't reply. In fact he didn't look in very good shape. His eyes were all bleary and he looked a bit green.

"Hey Aph," he said vaguely to me. "What are you doing down here so late, or so early or whatever the hell the god damn time is?"

I shrugged. "Just getting a drink," I said. "What about you, where have you been?"

"At a party," he mumbled again. "I was kind of – just a minute…" he said and then he looked around him and reached for the bucket next to the door, and then he threw up in it. I waited and looked at him in disgust. He really does make me feel sick a few times. When he finished throwing up he sat down heavily.

"As I was saying," he said, "I was just out partying a bit…"

"A bit?" I laughed. "You look a bit wasted."

"No, no I'm fine…" he said but then he grabbed the bucket and threw up again. He didn't grab it fast enough. The vomit ended up all over the floor instead.

"Are you all right?" I asked him and I laughed inside me. It was a bit funny to see him throw up, plus it helped me forget my problems, having someone else in the room to amuse me.

"Yeah, yeah I think I'm OK now," he said. "Oh god, my head," he continued.

"Do you want something cold for that?" I asked.

"That would be nice, thanks 'Dite," he said. I ran a cloth under some cold water and placed it on his forehead. "Thanks," he mumbled.

"You should go and lie down," I told him. "Do you want me to take you upstairs?"

"If you could."

I sighed and trailed back upstairs with him. Just in time to disturb my relaxing, I thought, and now I'm left babysitting Dionysos. He isn't really the best person to talk to about my problems.

Dionysos slumped down on his bed while I held the cold compress on his forehead. "That's good," he mumbled. "I think I'm OK now."

I sighed deeply and shifted my position on the bed while he took my hand and started fiddling with my fingers. My mind suddenly started going back to the war, and suddenly I started to cry for now apparent reason. "Hey, hey, are you all right?" Dionysos asked. Then he pulled me down on the bed next to him and put his arm round me as I started weeping on his chest. "What's wrong?" Dionysos repeated. "Did I say something?"

"No, it's not you. It's just that…well you see everyone is blaming me for this stupid war when it's really not even my fault, everyone is angry with me and also angry with each other so…well, you know how it is. No, actually you don't. On second thoughts, just forget it. You're not interested in this type of thing. You seem to be more interested in my breasts right now," I finished off, wiping my tears away and sniffing loudly, just in time to catch Dionysos eyeing up my chest. He blushed and dropped his gaze on the ground. "Sorry," he said. "But come on, you can talk to me. I've got nothing better to do right now than listen anyway, so…fire away, babe."

I started crying again. Why does no one understand me? "Thanks, but telling me you've got nothing better to do doesn't exactly make me want to talk to you," I said, moving away from him a bit. "Plus you're not a very good listener, especially not when you're drunk."

"No, no, I'll listen, I promise," he carried on. "I'm not drunk now, I'm fine. Shoot."

The truth is Dionysos is always semi-drunk at all times, but I decided to talk to him anyway. I need someone to talk to right now, even though Dionysos is probably the last person I would want to talk to about something like this. But anyway at the moment he couldn't really talk properly, so right now he was a very good listener. "OK fine," I said and I started off. "Well, the trouble is, I'm just worried about what's going to happen in this war, and I hate the fact that everyone is blaming me for it. Me! I mean, what the hell did I do wrong?" I said almost shouting now. "Sorry," I said and sighed. I carried on. "I'm just feeling pretty fed-up and worried right now. Don't take this personally or anything, I'm just not in a very good mood. It's got nothing to do with you or anything. You don't seem to be very interested in this war, do you?"

Dionysos shook his head. "I don't understand why everyone's fussing over this damn war," he said. "Why don't they just leave the Greeks and the Trojans to just sort it out between themselves, and just stay out of other people's business?"

"But you see that's just the thing," I continued. "They don't know how to sort it out by themselves so we have to sort it out for them. But I must admit, we're not doing a very good job right now," I sighed and paused. "I think we're just making it worse. I mean, what do you think I should do? Should I just wait and hope that the war will be over soon, and just stay out of it completely, or should I just continue trying to help?"

Dionysos thought about this for a minute, at least as much as he could think right now. "Well, I think that maybe you should leave the war to the qualified war gods," he said finally and laughed slightly.

"I'm glad you find this amusing because I'm sure I don't," I said to him kind of angrily now.

"Sorry," he said. "I don't find this amusing at all I was just…oh, never mind. I think that you should just try to forget about this war for a while, 'Dite. I don't mean to be rude or anything, but it's not really any of your business. It's none of my business either, or anyone's for that matter. We should all just stay out of it, and just try to keep our minds on everyday things. I'm sure trying to do that," he added.

I sighed and thought about this. The truth is I couldn't think of anything better to do right then than to forget about the war. "Maybe you're right," I told him. Dionysos can give quite good advice sometimes, at least when he was sober. "Thanks. I guess I feel a bit better now. You know you can give pretty good advice when you're not drunk," I told him.

Dionysos laughed. "I think that coming from you, I'll take that as a compliment."

"You should," I said, laughing a bit as well, but then I carried on talking about the war without really meaning to. "I was also worried about my son Aineias. What's going to become of him?" I wondered and looked up at the ceiling, as if I could get the answer from there.

"He'll be fine," Dionysos assured me vaguely, but the truth is he wasn't really paying attention. He was staring at my breasts again and trying to reach under my dress, but I started to get annoyed and slapped his hand away.

"Ow, what the hell was that for?" he asked, sounding rather intimidated.

"I'm not in the mood, Dionysos," I said. "Not tonight."

"OK. OK fine, yeah that's…fine." He didn't sound like he thought it was very fine at all actually, but I wasn't in the mood for sleeping with anyone at the moment and I just carried on talking. "Thanks for trying to make me feel better, but the truth is I can never feel completely better right now. I've been feeling pretty depressed these days."

"Oh, I'm sorry about that babe," he said, distracted again, this time trying to reach for my backside. This time I changed my mind. I rolled my eyes and just thought, what the heck, I probably wouldn't get have sex in a while now, what with this stupid war on and everything. "OK fine, since you're so eager," I said to Dionysos and then I said, "You really take after Dad, did anyone ever tell you that?"

"Should I take that as a compliment as well?" Dionysos laughed as he pulled my dress off.

"Well I'm not so sure about that," I told him and laughed as well. He really was making me feel better, what with always being so cheerful and everything. Afterwards I slept soundly. At least for the moment.

The next morning I woke up to find myself still in Dionysos' bed. I couldn't believe I had agreed to sex last night after how I felt. I mean, I was feeling so upset. Is that the only thing I ever do to make myself feel better? But right then I found myself wishing I could just stay under the covers forever and never come out. Of course my mind immediately snapped back to the war and so I decided I have to go and do something to occupy myself. I got up from the bed and gathered my clothes, and then I got dressed and drew open the curtains. At that moment Dionysos woke up, shielding his eyes from the sun and pulling the covers up over his head.

"Aph, where did you go?" he asked, waking up properly and looking around.

"I have to go," I told him. "Thanks a lot for your "support" last night, but I've got to go and occupy myself with something," I said, walking towards the door. Then I stopped and added, laughing slightly, "And I think you had better clean up that vomit from last night off the kitchen floor or Hera's probably going to blow her top!"

"Oh crap," Dionysos said and we both laughed. "See you later, 'Dite. It was really great last night."

"See you," I said and started heading downstairs, closing the door behind him. What should I do today, I thought? I never thought I could follow Dionysos' advice, but I think it's a pretty good idea to take my mind off the war. So I just went downstairs and went to have breakfast. When I got to the kitchen, I found Hera wiping Dionysos' vomit off the floor. I couldn't help but giggle as I thought of Dionysos' drunken state yesterday night. Hera looked up and noticed me. She frowned. My smile disappeared from my face, and I tried to look serious. "Hera," I greeted her formally.

"Aphrodite," she said back to me. The truth is that Hera and me never talk too much these days. I mean, we used to be friends, I used to be such a great comfort to her, or so she said, all those days when Zeus wasn't there. I was always the one who offered her a shoulder to cry on when no one else would (even though technically I was sometimes the one who made Zeus fall in love with all these women! I never told her that, of course). But now we hardly acknowledged each other any more, and when we did, it was only to argue, with Hera telling me to stop helping the Trojans and things like that. Plus I had just figured out a few days ago that she tricked me into letting her borrow my magic girdle. She told me she needed it to reconcile someone or something like that, when all she wanted to do was to carry out her evil plans of seducing Zeus and secretly helping the Greeks. That really hurts me. War is so awful, even for the gods.

No one else was downstairs yet. I suppose they were all trying to take their minds off the war for a few minutes at least. Hera looked at me with an angry look and said, with a rather sarcastic tone in her voice, "I suppose Mr party-boy did this last night?"

I waited for a second and then nodded gloomily and sat down, playing with a strand of my long blonde hair. Hera rolled her eyes and said, "You've been sleeping with him, haven't you?"

I dropped my eyes on the ground and blushed violently, fidgeting on my chair.

"I knew it," Hera continued, throwing away tissue paper in disgust and then she sat down and sighed deeply. "I expected you of all people to know better than that, 'Dite. But it looks like you're just as bad as the rest of them."

I hesitated for a moment, and then said with my voice shaking slightly, "I – I wasn't feeling very well last night. I just needed some comfort."

Hera laughed sarcastically. "Comfort?" she said. "There are other types of comfort than that, 'Dite, but I'm sure you haven't heard of them yet."

I was very upset at that. I hate the way Hera is with me now. I'd like us to be friends again, but with all the recent arguments that we've had about the war, I don't think that that's possible.

"Hera, I just needed a shoulder to cry on, OK?" I said, trying to sound calm. "I wasn't trying to do anything wrong or anything to upset you. I know that you're not particularly fond of Dionysos."

"Yes, I'm sure you are," Hera continued. I hated the sarcastic tone in her voice, and a part of me wanted to leap up and slap her in her smug white face, but I resisted. I didn't want to start another argument. Instead I started crying again, tears silently spilling down my cheeks. Hera hadn't noticed me, she had calmly gone to pour herself a glass of water, but then she looked at me and sighed. "Oh Aphrodite, what have I said?" she asked. Then she came over to me and put her arms round me and we shared a long hug. "I'm sorry if I've been acting like a bitch these days, 'Dite," she told me. "It just seems that this war is getting to me. I really don't like arguing with you at all. I'd really like us to be friends again."

"It's OK, I've been acting very stupid too," I said. "I just…I just hate this war so much, that's all. I just want it to be over. And I think that everybody else also secretly wants it to be over as well. Who says that war is supposed to be fun or something, it's really not. And I don't know why everyone has to find me to blame," I added without meaning to. "What I mean to say is that maybe it was just meant to happen, that's all. We can't really change that, can we?"

"I know you're right," Hera sighed. "And I'm sorry about the way I've been acting, it's just that everything seems much more difficult and frustrating these days."

We both sighed and sat silently for a few minutes, but then I decided to try and act a bit more cheerful. "Let's talk about something else then," I said. "Like, how have things been with you and Zeus?"

Hera laughed. "Horrible," she admitted. "OK, so I've been nagging at him that he helps the Trojans too much, but ever since he found out that I played a trick on him, let's just say I'm a bit scared to be around him any more."

Then she paused while she remembered how she had tricked me as well. "Oh, I'm sorry about that as well, 'Dite. I just thought that maybe you might not want to lend your girdle to me if I didn't lie."

"Of course I would lend it to you," I said laughing slightly. "I'm not that selfish, you know. I like helping people."

"I know you do, it's just that you never really seem to take it off, I think I've noticed that. Do you even take it off when you go to bed?" she continued.

I giggled helplessly. "No, I especially don't take it off when I go to bed!" I said and we both laughed. "But I can live without my magic girdle for half an hour."

We were both silent for a minute, but then I said gloomily, "I just wish I could fix this war with one wave of that girdle or something."

Hera's smile faded. "Not everything can be fixed by love, 'Dite," she said sadly. I nodded my head in agreement. "I just wish it could be," I continued.

"We all wish that," Hera said. "But there are some things in this world that takes more than magic to fix. It just takes time. Be patient Aph, this war will soon be over, I know it."

"Maybe, but all of us will never stop arguing," I said and we laughed again. That was true. Even if the war were over, what exactly would be so different between us gods? We would still be fighting and doing nasty things to each other. But maybe this war might, by some kind of miracle, sort of fix things somehow, in a way. Maybe we can all learn to be nicer to each other. Maybe Hera will learn to keep her rage under control. There might even be a lesson for me somewhere in all this too. Perhaps life could end up better when this war is finally over. And that has to be soon. It can't go on forever, after all. We'll just have to wait and see what happens…


End file.
